When a domestic violence case involving a celebrity suddenly went viral, netizens were immediately furious. Everyone criticized without command. Condemning comments flooded news accounts on social media, especially Instagram and TikTok. A piece of video that was considered barbaric was also attacked by comments of disgust towards husbands who commit violence.
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| Domestic violence perpetrators clearly are no brainers! (Photo: freepik) |
In a community WhatsApp group, this hot issue became even hotter when it was deliberately raised as a topic of discussion one evening. One member said that the evil husband was said to have many businesses.
How dare the weak
To this news, I responded spontaneously, short and swooping:
"Yes, I have a lot of business, but no brains!"
My response may be harsh, but that is the right word to criticize a husband whose brain is short-circuited. Why not, he who was suspected of having an affair was actually so violent in beating his helpless wife.
There are no words that can describe his actions other than cruel and cowardly. Obviously has a brain, but can't think. If his brain was functioning properly, he would definitely look for a balanced opponent. Instead of a weak wife, she can compete in the boxing or MMA ring.
Unfortunately, he was timid and cowardly enough to fight like a man. Choose a comparable opponent, who can launch a counterattack with tactics and calculations.
Perhaps, he has already considered that if he looks for a comparable opponent outside, he will definitely lose. Never mind attacking, the chance of dodging was as thin as the skin of an onion.
Why are domestic violence victims reluctant to report?
Not long after the video clip went viral, the East Java Kompasiana blogger community held an Instagram Live which highlighted the phenomenon of domestic violence in society, especially what happens to women as vulnerable or marginalized groups.
As soon as I got off the commuter train departing from Surabaya to Lamongan, I immediately watched IG Live which started at 19.00 WIB. The discussion and sharing went smoothly, guided by Mbak Dian, a Sidoarjo blogger who accompanied the resource person, namely an advocate and administrator of the PPA (protection of women and children) DPC PERADI Surabaya.
From Zaitun Taher, the name of the advocate, I can extract at least three reasons why women who are victims of domestic violence are reluctant to report to the authorities. And this is important to report as a warning so that it doesn't happen again.
The first reason is that women are filled with fear. He felt worried because he received intimidation and threats from his partner who had the potential to repeat the violent act.
Mrs. Zaitun gave an example, one time a husband threatened a victim of domestic violence,
"If you dare to do anything, dare to report or tell your family, then I'll do it. Now you're the only one who gets hit, then your family will get hit too. I'll destroy your family!"
Imagine if a manipulative husband spouted words like that continuously, then over time the wife would lose her identity. His self-confidence will collapse, his enthusiasm for life will be undermined.
The second reason domestic violence victims are reluctant to make a report is because they do not have a reliable support system. He felt isolated and squeezed in a world that dwarfed him. Trauma makes it difficult for him to even just express his heart.
There was a case where a victim complained to his extended family. However, it was not support that she received, but advice that she be patient in dealing with her husband's behavior because domestic violence is part of the ordeal in the household.
Mrs. Zaitun retorted, "Oh no! That's wrong, it's a criminal act! Including a criminal act," she said firmly that domestic violence should not be normalized as a form of test in the family.
The final reason is that domestic violence victims do not yet have economic independence. Women are reluctant to reveal their husband's domestic violence because they worry that financial support will be cut off if they divorce. Not to mention if you already have children, divorce can present a new crisis because children usually go with their mother.
The need to build independence
Mrs. Zaitun does not hesitate to recommend that wives start to build independence both emotionally and especially economically. She believes that today's women are getting smarter, they are already clever at how to survive by taking advantage of various digital opportunities. There are many opportunities to earn rupiah without having to leave home.
However, everything certainly requires a process. Having your own income cannot be realized overnight. What is no less important is to stabilize yourself emotionally. Because as mentioned by the host that night, sometimes women still don't have the courage to make decisions - including reporting - even though they already have their own income.
The victims of domestic violence experienced a crisis of self-confidence, their lives were deliberately dwarfed by their husbands who relentlessly carried out intimidation and manipulation so that the women were covered in deep trauma and had difficulty thinking clearly.
However, one thing is certain: women are tactical creatures. They can use their brains and various life skills to make money or decide to live independently. Because they have brains that function optimally, unlike domestic violence perpetrators whose brains are underdeveloped or short-circuited even though they may have a lot of business.
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